


Taako and Lup's Chill Spa Day

by Newt



Series: Newt's Twins Week! [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: F/M, Lup is pining and it's frustrating for the boy, M/M, Minor blupjeans, Minor taakitz, Twinsweek, it's one hundred thousand percent platonic though, major twin time, miss me with that incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13515177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newt/pseuds/Newt
Summary: Lup’s been stressed lately, and it’s getting exhausting. For Taako, that is. Time to take a break from it all, twin style.





	Taako and Lup's Chill Spa Day

**Author's Note:**

> It’s day 2 of twins week! The prompt was sibling bonding, so here is that! See if you can spot the names I literally plucked out of a fantasy name generator, by the way,,,

“Hey Lulu. Got you something.”

 

Taako sidles up beside Lup’s workstation, sliding a pamphlet in beside her gross math notes.

 

“Mmm, nope,” says Lup, brushing off the childhood nickname. She jots something down quickly, sticks her pen behind her ear, and spins her chair around to face her brother.

 

“What’s this about, bro?”

 

Taako picks up the pamphlet again, handing it to her pointedly.

 

Lup gives it a quick scan, eyebrows raised.

 

“Couples spa retreat. Sounds like it could be pretty dope. You here to brag or something? Going with that dude from the hot yoga studio last week?”

 

Taako frowns.

 

“Ugh. No. Do you have any idea how much I sweat in front of that guy? Never again. Anyway…”

 

He makes a sweeping gesture.

 

“This is for you. From me. A gift.”

 

Lup frowns.

 

“I don’t…”

 

“Do NOT insult my intelligence. I’m _very_ proficient. Take your nerd, hook up, stop fucking looking at him like you’re in the grossest kind of love.”

 

Lup sighs, throwing the pamphlet back on the desk.

 

“About that.”

 

Taako scoops it up, whapping her on the head with it as punctuation for his words.

 

“Oh. No. You. Don’t! You. Are. Driving. Me. Fucking. Bonkers…”

 

The pamphlet bursts into flames, and Taako yelps, dropping it. It’s completely consumed before it hits the floor.

 

“Aw, shit. Darn. Guess that’s over with, huh?”

 

Taako grins maniacally.

 

“Except I wasn’t born yesterday. That was an advertisement, the tickets are here.”

 

He pats his jacket pocket. Lup folds her arms.

 

“I’m just… I’m really busy right now. We still can’t figure out the light’s trajectory with all these mountains, and there’s some weird fungus that’s doing something to the water, and Barry…”

 

Taako holds up a hand.

 

“Yes. Good. Give. This to Barry… and… goooo…”

 

Lup scowls.

 

“I’m super not taking Barry on a couple’s spa retreat.”

 

Taako’s grin widens.

 

“Okay, thank God. I wanted to go real bad. Yes.”

 

Lup leans back, arms thrown out wide.

 

“Hey so I also super don’t want to go on a couples retreat with my _fucking brother._ ”

 

Taako sticks out his bottom lip in a colossal pout.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because we’re not a fucking couple? Gross?”

 

Taako elbows her.

 

“We’re a couple of… great… wizards, though, am I right?”

 

This earns him a snort.

 

“Listen. You’re always working on learning shit about the worlds we go to. Well what better way to learn about a chill yoga world than to have a spa day? Listen, sis, it’s like a regular spa day, right? But you’re allowed to talk. Which is essential, obviously.”

 

Lup sighs, leaning her head back to stare at the ceiling. A few beats pass, and then she looks back down at Taako, mirroring his enormous grin.

 

“Ehn, what the hell. Let’s do this thing.”

 

“Yes!”

 

Taako pumps his fist.

 

Within the week, they cash in their spa tickets at an enormous mountain resort. A couple of crunchy dudes with topknots explain the system, and, to their credit, they don’t question the fact that two very-clearly-related people have arrived with very expensive tickets to a couples spa retreat. 

 

Taako and Lup will be working their way up through a series of caves in the mountain, stopping at various rooms designated for them, specifically. They are encouraged to speak kindly and openly with one another, and Taako gives Lup a pointed look. They were told to bring their own robes to the retreat, and some patrons who walk by them in fluffy bathrobes eye their red IPRE garb with confusion.

 

The first stop is a small, intimate massage room, with scented candles giving a dim sort of relaxation vibe. Taako immediately calls the hotter masseuse, and the fact that Lup doesn’t even fight him on that tells him everything he needs to know.

 

“So, sis. Here’s the part where we talk kindly and openly with one another,” he says, voice sounding farther away as he speaks through the hole in the massage table.

 

“Hm. Well, you know, I’ve always wondered why we don’t have more candles on the Starblaster. This is nice, right? Love it. Was that _open_?”

 

“Maybe because that’d be a fucking fire hazard?” says Taako. “The Starblaster _moves_.”

 

“Mm, sounds fake,” says Lup. In this cycle alone, their ship has been docked in a field for just about three months.

 

The masseuse shifts from her back to her shoulders, and she lets out a happy sigh. She has to admit, this feels really good.

 

“No, I was more thinking we should talk about your thing for one… Barry J Blue-jeans,” he says, putting a weird emphasis on the name, on purpose.

 

“That’s not what I was thinking. Weird,” says Lup. She tenses up, and the masseuse moves back to a spot he’s already covered.

 

“Well I was. Weird.”

 

Lup grunts.

 

“This is my official statement,” announces Taako, raising a hand lazily to the side. “Just fucking get together already. I’m so sick of watching this.”

 

Lup says nothing. She relaxes into the massage, the silence stretching out into an uncomfortable finish.

 

“I mean it. You guys are already basically dating, just make it official. Please. For the people who care about you.”

 

“Not dating,” Lup mumbles.

 

“Bull SHIT. You’ve been on like a million dates.”

 

“Nuh uh.”

 

“Just last week you went out for dinner together and missed my incredible braised red cabbage.”

 

“Not a date.”

 

“ _Lup._ You’re killing me. I’m dying. Literally dying.”

 

Lup laughs, once.

 

“See you in a year, then.”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

They lie their heads on yoga blocks, in a room full of salt. It seems kind of weird, to Taako, but he puts up with it. Lup lies beside him now, eyes closed. It’s just the two of them, now. Time to really get on this thing.

 

“You know, I’ve dated some really shitty dudes in the past,” says Taako, gently, turning his head towards her.

 

Lup’s lips twitch.

 

“Live in that truth.”

 

“Anyway,” says Taako rolling his forearm in the salt, and tilting his head back towards the ceiling of their mountain cave.

 

“Anyway, this basically makes me the authority on relationships. Now it’s _your_ turn to live _your_ truth.”

 

Lup sighs, blowing a piece of feathery hair off of her forehead.

 

“Look, I… really don’t want to talk about this, Taako.”

 

Taako shuts up. Maybe now isn’t the time, after all. He squirms a bit more in the salt.

 

“Don’t get me wrong, though, I’d be thrilled to talk about all of your dating mistakes.”

 

“Nice,” says Taako.

 

“I mean it. Let’s dunk on some garbo dudes. Like Habkirk? Fuck that guy.”

 

Taako groans.

 

“ _Fuck_ that guy.”

 

“Why was he so obsessed with gnocci? I’ve never made so much gnocci in my life. I hope he chokes on a gnocci.”

 

“Absolutely. What about yours though? Don’t act all innocent, here. Amen Deepsteam?”

 

Lup lets out the world’s longest groan, kicking her heels up and down in the salt.

 

“How can someone so hot be so _stupid?_ Like… oh, here’s a good one. Have you heard this one? I told him the suns were stars and he tried to fucking _mansplain_ the solar system to me. Like…”

 

She put on a fake deep voice.

 

“Nah, babe, stars are _smaller_ than that, you know. Stars are the ones you see at night,” she went back to her regular voice. “ _Fuck_ that guy.”

 

“Mmm… but also _fuck that guy_ , you know,” says Taako, wiggling his eyebrows at the ceiling.

 

“You will be the first person to ever die by yoga block,” says Lup. “Incredible, when you think about it.”

 

“Hakrolm once told me I could make my magic better by eating apple seeds,” Taako concedes.

 

“What the fuck!” says Lup, bursting into laughter. “That dude _taught you transmutation._ Taught us both. Fuck. Poor sap probably died of cyanide poisoning before the hunger ever got to him.”

 

They both fall silent, realizing with the same, sickening feeling that the people they’re ragging on are probably dead right now. Taako sits up, slowly.

 

“Anyway, sauna time.”

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

They continue talking about their past in the sauna, settling onto happier memories. Stories of people they’d swindled at bars, or pranks they’d pulled at school. Lup gets into the time she narrowly avoided expulsion by disguising herself as country music legend Patsy Cline. She expands on the details, waving her arms through the steam, breath heavy, as Taako laughs himself nearly unconscious.

 

They rest in between, still chatting it up, then move onto a dry sauna where Taako launches into his own tale of adventure, from the time he cheated a wealthy businessman out of his shoes, and watched him walk out of a bar in only his socks, in the rain. He tells the story while leaning back, smiling, cherishing the memory. Lup keeps adding her own thoughts to his, although she was definitely too drunk to fully remember that night.

 

After the saunas is a natural hot spring, and Taako stretches his arms in the air, drinking in the sweet chill he’s about to get on.

 

“Hey,” says Lup, arms folded. “Hey bro? Casual reminder that this is a _couples_ _spa retreat._ They supplied exactly nooooo swimsuits for this.”

 

Taako grimaces.

 

“Yeah, that’s why I, uh, brought some? Who do you think I am?”

 

He produces his swim trunks from a pocket in his robe, tossing Lup the bikini he’d swiped from her drawer that morning.

 

“Excellent. Love the foresight. Can’t wait to share a giant weird bath with my brother.”

 

Taako just turns around, quickly getting changed under his robe. Lup does the same, and they sink into the hot springs with deep sighs. It feels, of course, incredible.

 

“You wanted me to do this with Barry?” Lup murmurs, mouth barely above the water. “ _This?_ ”

 

Taako laughs.

 

“Oh, don’t worry. The dude never would’ve made it this far. His heart would’ve given out at, like, salt room for sure. Just from the stress of being somewhere actually nice with you.”

 

“We’ve been to plenty of nice places,” Lup mumbles.

 

“Oooh, so you admit it?”

 

“I admit to having excellent taste.”

 

“In men? Because I have to say, the eternal jeans-wearing nerd is a new one for you.”

 

Lup sinks her mouth below the water, and Taako’s heart jolts.

 

“Fuck, sis. You’ve got it _bad._ ”

 

Lup swishes her hands across the top of the water, watching the ripples as they spread out towards Taako. He sinks down as well, and they relax like that for a while.

 

“I think you two would be great together, for what it’s worth,” says Taako, allowing himself to get real for 0.5 seconds before adding “The dude _needs_ some, let’s be real here.”

 

Lup lets out a bitter laugh.

 

“Very funny.”

 

Taako gets the sudden and distinct impression that Lup is somehow blind to how much this dude wants her. _Lup_ , who has literally always gone after and attained anyone she wanted. His sister, whose improvised confidence is second only to his own. _Lup._

He lets out a frustrated sigh, leaving her to stew with that thought for a while. She leans back and soaks in the water, hair splayed out around her. Taako mimics this, and they remain as such until their twenty-five minutes are up.

 

There’s an optional cold dip after that, but Taako puts one toe in and decides fuck that noise. Lup sits on the edge and dangles her legs in, before laughing wildly and pulling away.

 

The two dry off with fluffy white towels, then change back into robes on separate sides of the room, backs turned, towels hung, every precaution to not turn this nice moment into a gross mistake.

 

They link arms as they move on to the next room.

 

“I meant to ask, how did you even get this spa retreat in the first place? You rob a bank or something?” asks Lup, as they step along a slanted cobblestone pathway.

 

“Hah. No way. I’m broke as ever. This one’s on Merle, actually.”

 

Lup nods, deciding not to push that one any further. Merle has been away every day of this cycle, doing God-knows-what and returning with handfuls of spoils from various hippie-esque locales.

 

“Maybe we should earn a bit of coin, this time around. Have a team spa day,” says Lup, drinking in their surroundings. Her body is a strange combination of relaxed and invigorated and exhausted. It’s awesome.

 

“You know,” says Taako. “The institute still hasn’t sent me a single paycheck. I’m starting to think this whole thing is a scam.”

 

Next up is a facial, and they can’t talk through that. Lup does her best to clear her mind of gross lovey talk, and just enjoy the feeling of having good-smelling shit on her face. It’s one of the best feelings in the world, maybe.

 

The twins used to get facials and pedicures and stuff together all the time on the road, when the funds allowed it, and Lup gets a little warm inside thinking about it. Taako, her constant companion through all the bullshit, has always been there to pull her away and remind her of the treatment she deserves. When things got too rough or annoying, they’d move on, always the two of them.

 

“Okay, we’re almost at the top now,” Taako announces, as they set off down the next path. “It’s just half an hour of ‘couples yoga’ now.”

 

Lup frowns down at the programme, and pauses in her stride.

 

“Not to ruin your vision or anything, but this looks SUPER sexual.”

 

Taako pauses, glancing down at the image of two lovers entwined, one in the other’s lap, as the sun sets over their embrace.

 

Taako switches trajectories down the hall without breaking stride, and speaks in the exact same lofty tone of voice.

 

“It’s just half an hour of ‘couples hide in the gift shop’ now.”

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

After some time puzzling over various oils and crystals in the gift shop, the twins leave empty handed, refreshed and ready to face the rest of this crazy cycle.

 

As they approach the Starblaster, Lup pulls Taako into a quick hug, letting him go with a push.

 

“Yuck,” says Taako, with a smirk.

 

“Yuck yourself,” says Lup, turning away from him, grinning.

 

They sidle up the gangway, and Lup whispers, almost inaudibly behind him.

 

“Seriously though… thanks.”

 

*****

 

“Happy anniversary, love,” says Kravitz, lacing his hand with Taako’s across the table.

 

“Happy anniversary yourself,” says Taako, with a big stupid grin.

 

The two stand up to leave the restaurant, and Kravitz slips an envelope into his hands, face slightly flushed.

 

“One more thing. A… I guess a gift?”

 

“Fancy,” says Taako, opening the envelope with a quick slice of the finger. He pulls out a pamphlet and a few other slips of paper, with pictures of gorgeous scenery and murky baths and lots of relaxed people in yoga poses.

 

“It’s, well, it’s a sort of spa trip? For couples,” says Kravitz. “It seemed like something you might like.”

 

Taako’s eyes light up as he scans the pamphlet. He gives Kravitz a quick kiss, and they pull away with matching grins and soppy eyes.

 

“I love it,” Taako says, and takes Kravitz’s hand again.

 

A few days later, he takes Lup to the spa.


End file.
